'Anger' as an issue comes up in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous many times in both the first 164 pages (the instructional portion of the book) and throughout the personal stories of the fellowship's members (which make up the remaining portion of the book).
Anger is a big problem for many of us dealing with both active and in-active addiction. It is one of the "Big Four" emotions that all people experience along with happiness, boredom, and sadness. Not knowing how to manage anger in a healthy way becomes a real liability for us because, as addicts, we typically act out in our addiction in order to cope with this overwhelming feeling. So it makes sense that any program of recovery addresses how to manage anger.
A lot can be accomplished simply by "owning" our part of whatever it is that is making us angry. We cause, directly or indirectly, a lot of what causes us to lose our cool and/or develop a resentment by the decisions we make. For example, I remember becoming furious at the incompetent sales clerk at a big retailer recently. The clerk had no idea how to ring up my order. He was standing around, not apologizing at all for the inconvenience he was causing me, while he waited for someone else to come along that could answer his question about a simple transaction. He was not assertive in getting help, mind you. He passively stood there hoping someone would come by he could ask for help. It was taking a very long time and I was visibly getting more and more angry. Finally, I raised my voice and expressed my frustration and outrage at the terrible customer service I was receiving! The issue was eventually resolved and I was on my way.
At first, it was hard for me to see my part in any of what had just happened. But the anger stuck with me for a long time so I realized I better take a look at how I contributed to the situation. I figured out that a big chunk of my anger came from the fact that I was being delayed and was going to be late for an appointment. I didn't leave myself any extra time to get where I was going, anticipating that every thing I needed to do before the appointment would go smoothly. Well, as it turned out, I was delayed. Instead of recognizing that I was going to need to change my plan (in terms of coming back to the store at a later time to complete my transaction) in order to be on time, I stood at that counter getting more and more upset. I ended up being late.
Once I saw my part, the anger dissipated quickly and I learned a valuable lesson. Can you relate to my experience above? Have you held on to resentments for long periods of time when you were at least partly to blame for whatever you were angry about? Try to pick one resentment today and find the part you played in creating it. This is the essence of the work we do in step 4 of the 12 steps of recovery.
God bless you!
In service,
Barbara J.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Powerless without Reservation
Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.
The Big Book introduces Step One to us from its very first pages. Dr. Silkworth, in "The Doctor's Opinion", talks about our loss of control once we take alcohol into our systems. Certainly he is referring to powerlessness there.
Bill W. describes his powerlessness over alcohol in brutal detail throughout Chapter One.
In Chapter Two, "There is a Solution", the "real alcoholic" is described as someone who "...begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink." Any rational person would recognize that loss of control is synonymous with powerlessness.
Chapter Three ("More About Alcoholism") tells a story of a 30-year old man who, after a horrendous battle with "spree" drinking, recognized that he could not drink and be successful in business at the same time. This man quit for 25 years and retired at the age of 55. Thinking that after 25 years of abstinence from alcohol he would now be able to drink in moderation, he began to drink again. We now know that even during long periods of sobriety, the disease of addiction continues to progress within us. The ability to quit drinking that this man had 25 years prior to his return to alcohol, had evaporated by the time he resumed his drinking. Once he started drinking again, he was right where he left off, only worse, in no time. He found that once he started drinking, he simply could not stop. He tried and tried again to quit, but he was powerless. He was dead within four years of his retirement from the disease of alcoholism.
The fourth chapter of the Big Book, "We Agnostics", continues to reinforce the concept of powerlessness but is directed to people who fight the idea that God can be employed to help us abstain.
Finally, in Chapter Five, the steps are introduced to us formally. The "Doctor's Opinion", along with the first four chapters, lead up to the conclusion that we must admit our powerlessness over alcohol and accept that we will need help to arrest our addiction to it (see page 59 of the Big Book).
After thoroughly digesting the Big Book up to Chapter Five, it was impossible for me to dispute my powerlessness over my addictions. But, to be truthful, I didn't need those chapters to help me recognize that I had no control over my addictions. And I still don't. I can see addictive behavior in many forms still disrupting my life against my will. I am powerless and always will be when it comes to addictions. The only solution for me is to readmit my powerlessness and follow the steps to recovery from whatever is plaguing my ability to "...trudge the Road of Happy Destiny" at that time (see Chapter 11 "A Vision for You" page 164).
Have you fully accepted the fact that you are powerless over your addictions? Are you still defending the notion that you could overcome your addiction through will power? If so, then why are you not doing so? Despite your consciousness that you want to stop; despite your true desire to stop, why don't you stop? The answer (that comes with so much proof) is that you are powerless over your addiction. Once we accept this REALITY, we are on our way to recovery.
The Big Book introduces Step One to us from its very first pages. Dr. Silkworth, in "The Doctor's Opinion", talks about our loss of control once we take alcohol into our systems. Certainly he is referring to powerlessness there.
Bill W. describes his powerlessness over alcohol in brutal detail throughout Chapter One.
In Chapter Two, "There is a Solution", the "real alcoholic" is described as someone who "...begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink." Any rational person would recognize that loss of control is synonymous with powerlessness.
Chapter Three ("More About Alcoholism") tells a story of a 30-year old man who, after a horrendous battle with "spree" drinking, recognized that he could not drink and be successful in business at the same time. This man quit for 25 years and retired at the age of 55. Thinking that after 25 years of abstinence from alcohol he would now be able to drink in moderation, he began to drink again. We now know that even during long periods of sobriety, the disease of addiction continues to progress within us. The ability to quit drinking that this man had 25 years prior to his return to alcohol, had evaporated by the time he resumed his drinking. Once he started drinking again, he was right where he left off, only worse, in no time. He found that once he started drinking, he simply could not stop. He tried and tried again to quit, but he was powerless. He was dead within four years of his retirement from the disease of alcoholism.
The fourth chapter of the Big Book, "We Agnostics", continues to reinforce the concept of powerlessness but is directed to people who fight the idea that God can be employed to help us abstain.
Finally, in Chapter Five, the steps are introduced to us formally. The "Doctor's Opinion", along with the first four chapters, lead up to the conclusion that we must admit our powerlessness over alcohol and accept that we will need help to arrest our addiction to it (see page 59 of the Big Book).
After thoroughly digesting the Big Book up to Chapter Five, it was impossible for me to dispute my powerlessness over my addictions. But, to be truthful, I didn't need those chapters to help me recognize that I had no control over my addictions. And I still don't. I can see addictive behavior in many forms still disrupting my life against my will. I am powerless and always will be when it comes to addictions. The only solution for me is to readmit my powerlessness and follow the steps to recovery from whatever is plaguing my ability to "...trudge the Road of Happy Destiny" at that time (see Chapter 11 "A Vision for You" page 164).
Have you fully accepted the fact that you are powerless over your addictions? Are you still defending the notion that you could overcome your addiction through will power? If so, then why are you not doing so? Despite your consciousness that you want to stop; despite your true desire to stop, why don't you stop? The answer (that comes with so much proof) is that you are powerless over your addiction. Once we accept this REALITY, we are on our way to recovery.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Allergy of the Body...
The Big Book tells us that, as alcoholics, we have an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind. For many of us, learning this information from a medical doctor (Dr. Silkworth - one of the great friends of Alcoholics Anonymous in it's early years) was a comforting discovery. It was a relief to know that we were not merely weaklings who could not use "will power" to resist drinking (or compulsively eating, gambling, spending, interfering in others's lives, etc.). We have a bona fide allergy that condemns us to act out in our addiction against our will.
When I was able to understand that I had a physical allergy to alcohol, sugar and grain, I felt a huge amount of shame was instantly lifted. I no longer felt like a failure when it came to abstaining from addictive behavior. I felt more like a person who had not yet learned to manage an illness. Today I accept the fact that I have a condition that needs to be managed on a daily basis. And because my willingness to manage my addiction is not fueled by shame, I am not burdened with a negative image of myself. I am a person with a wide array of challenges and gifts, all of which can be managed with the help of my Higher Power and my fellows.
If you are addicted to a substance, have you come to understand the physical nature of your addiction? If your addiction is behavioral (e.g., gambling) are you able to understand the chemical reaction your brain has when you act out in your addiction? Do you recognize that your brain produces "feel good" chemicals that are far more powerful than heroin and that you have become physically addicted to that chemical rush? Can you let go of shame about your addiction and dwell in the positivity of recovery?
When I was able to understand that I had a physical allergy to alcohol, sugar and grain, I felt a huge amount of shame was instantly lifted. I no longer felt like a failure when it came to abstaining from addictive behavior. I felt more like a person who had not yet learned to manage an illness. Today I accept the fact that I have a condition that needs to be managed on a daily basis. And because my willingness to manage my addiction is not fueled by shame, I am not burdened with a negative image of myself. I am a person with a wide array of challenges and gifts, all of which can be managed with the help of my Higher Power and my fellows.
If you are addicted to a substance, have you come to understand the physical nature of your addiction? If your addiction is behavioral (e.g., gambling) are you able to understand the chemical reaction your brain has when you act out in your addiction? Do you recognize that your brain produces "feel good" chemicals that are far more powerful than heroin and that you have become physically addicted to that chemical rush? Can you let go of shame about your addiction and dwell in the positivity of recovery?
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Your Miracle
As most people in recovery know, A.A. was the original 12-step fellowship. After A.A. came G.A. (Gamblers Anonymous). Shortly thereafter came O.A. (Overeaters Anonymous). In O.A. there is an expression that says "Don't leave before the miracle happens." This is very good advice because the miracles do show up if we are willing to see them.
A lot of us are able to recognize miracles in our fellows in terms of their stunning transformations from being helpless addicts to being productive, peaceful and sober members of society. In Chapter One of the "Big Book", Bill Wilson tells about his exhausting journey through the hell of active alcoholism and the miracle that lead him out of it. As Bill tells it, his friend, Ebby (another hopeless drunk) came to visit him when Bill was as low as he had ever been. Bill speaks of Ebby's transformation into a sober man, referring to Ebby as a "miracle." Bill was a hopeless alcoholic by anyone's definition, and so was Ebby. But that day Ebby was sober...happy... free! If Ebby was truly sober and peaceful about it, then Bill had to recognize Ebby's sobriety as the miracle it was.
Have you witnessed any miracles in recovery? Describe them in the silence of your mind. Have you experienced a miracle of your own? If not, don't leave before the miracle happens!
God bless you!
Barbara J.
A lot of us are able to recognize miracles in our fellows in terms of their stunning transformations from being helpless addicts to being productive, peaceful and sober members of society. In Chapter One of the "Big Book", Bill Wilson tells about his exhausting journey through the hell of active alcoholism and the miracle that lead him out of it. As Bill tells it, his friend, Ebby (another hopeless drunk) came to visit him when Bill was as low as he had ever been. Bill speaks of Ebby's transformation into a sober man, referring to Ebby as a "miracle." Bill was a hopeless alcoholic by anyone's definition, and so was Ebby. But that day Ebby was sober...happy... free! If Ebby was truly sober and peaceful about it, then Bill had to recognize Ebby's sobriety as the miracle it was.
Have you witnessed any miracles in recovery? Describe them in the silence of your mind. Have you experienced a miracle of your own? If not, don't leave before the miracle happens!
God bless you!
Barbara J.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Cunning, Baffling, Powerful...Patient
In Chapter 5 of the Big Book, alcoholism is referred to as "...cunning, baffling and powerful...". There is a wonderful speaker in A.A. named Fr. Leo Booth. He smartly added the word "patient" when describing the 'personality' of alcoholism. I think Fr. Leo is right! My disease seems to wait patiently for me to decompensate spiritually so that when my spiritual weakness meets the opportunity to act out in my addiction, I'm easily overcome. Do you feel as though your addiction is patient??? Why?
Please read Jim's story in Chapter 3 "More About Alcoholism." I don't think the way Jim's relapse occurred was terribly cunning, baffling or powerful. But it was certainly patient. When opportunity met spiritual weakness, he drank. Are you feeling spiritually strong today?
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Chapter 5 - How it Works
Chapter 5 of the Big Book outlines the basic tenants of the recovery program with a focus on steps 1, 2, 3, and 4. The first few paragraphs of the chapter, however, are devoted solely to describing what it takes to recover from alcoholism: Honesty. It states that even people with "...grave emotional and mental disorders..." can recover if they have the "...capacity to be honest." The chapter then calls us to be "...fearless from the very start" of the recovery process. The first thing discussed is the need for honesty. Then the Big Book acknowledges our common fear of that very thing. The thing we fear most, even more than giving up our addiction, is being honest with ourselves. And of course, without being honest, we cannot recover. What is it that keeps us from being honest with ourselves? Obviously, fear is what holds us back from getting spiritually and emotionally fit. Chapter 5 claims that we are driven by "....a hundred forms of fear..." What are your fears? Pick one and face it today. Remember, "courage" is that thing that allows us to do the very things we fear the most. Pray that your Higher Power will reveal to you one thing that is in your power to change today. He will grant you the courage you need to do that one thing - if you ask.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Welcome to My Online "Big Book" Study and Spiritual Support Journal
Over the many years I've spent in the field of recovery, both as a fellow on my own journey of recovery, and as a professional addiction specialist, I have come to know the "Big Book" in a most useful way. It has become more than a tool in my own recovery. It is a trusted friend I can go to with my questions, concerns, and for inspiration. As we work through the "Big Book", I hope you will find what I have found: a true source of wisdom, inspired out of love for us by a Higher Power. I believe that God graces us with recovery so that we can be of better service to Him and to our fellows. As you follow this journal, may God bless you with the bountiful benefits of true recovery from addiction, and from the many struggles that life can bring.
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