'Anger' as an issue comes up in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous many times in both the first 164 pages (the instructional portion of the book) and throughout the personal stories of the fellowship's members (which make up the remaining portion of the book).
Anger is a big problem for many of us dealing with both active and in-active addiction. It is one of the "Big Four" emotions that all people experience along with happiness, boredom, and sadness. Not knowing how to manage anger in a healthy way becomes a real liability for us because, as addicts, we typically act out in our addiction in order to cope with this overwhelming feeling. So it makes sense that any program of recovery addresses how to manage anger.
A lot can be accomplished simply by "owning" our part of whatever it is that is making us angry. We cause, directly or indirectly, a lot of what causes us to lose our cool and/or develop a resentment by the decisions we make. For example, I remember becoming furious at the incompetent sales clerk at a big retailer recently. The clerk had no idea how to ring up my order. He was standing around, not apologizing at all for the inconvenience he was causing me, while he waited for someone else to come along that could answer his question about a simple transaction. He was not assertive in getting help, mind you. He passively stood there hoping someone would come by he could ask for help. It was taking a very long time and I was visibly getting more and more angry. Finally, I raised my voice and expressed my frustration and outrage at the terrible customer service I was receiving! The issue was eventually resolved and I was on my way.
At first, it was hard for me to see my part in any of what had just happened. But the anger stuck with me for a long time so I realized I better take a look at how I contributed to the situation. I figured out that a big chunk of my anger came from the fact that I was being delayed and was going to be late for an appointment. I didn't leave myself any extra time to get where I was going, anticipating that every thing I needed to do before the appointment would go smoothly. Well, as it turned out, I was delayed. Instead of recognizing that I was going to need to change my plan (in terms of coming back to the store at a later time to complete my transaction) in order to be on time, I stood at that counter getting more and more upset. I ended up being late.
Once I saw my part, the anger dissipated quickly and I learned a valuable lesson. Can you relate to my experience above? Have you held on to resentments for long periods of time when you were at least partly to blame for whatever you were angry about? Try to pick one resentment today and find the part you played in creating it. This is the essence of the work we do in step 4 of the 12 steps of recovery.
God bless you!
In service,
Barbara J.
