Allergy of the Body...

The Big Book tells us that, as alcoholics, we have an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind. For many of us, learning this information from a medical doctor (Dr. Silkworth - one of the great friends of Alcoholics Anonymous in it's early years) was a comforting discovery. It was a relief to know that we were not merely weaklings who could not use "will power" to resist drinking (or compulsively eating, gambling, spending, interfering in others's lives, etc.). We have a bona fide allergy that condemns us to act out in our addiction against our will.

When I was able to understand that I had a physical allergy to alcohol, sugar and grain, I felt a huge amount of shame was instantly lifted. I no longer felt like a failure when it came to abstaining from addictive behavior. I felt more like a person who had not yet learned to manage an illness. Today I accept the fact that I have a condition that needs to be managed on a daily basis. And because my willingness to manage my addiction is not fueled by shame, I am not burdened with a negative image of myself. I am a person with a wide array of challenges and gifts, all of which can be managed with the help of my Higher Power and my fellows.

If you are addicted to a substance, have you come to understand the physical nature of your addiction? If your addiction is behavioral (e.g., gambling) are you able to understand the chemical reaction your brain has when you act out in your addiction? Do you recognize that your brain produces "feel good" chemicals that are far more powerful than heroin and that you have become physically addicted to that chemical rush? Can you let go of shame about your addiction and dwell in the positivity of recovery?

Your Miracle

As most people in recovery know, A.A. was the original 12-step fellowship. After A.A. came G.A. (Gamblers Anonymous). Shortly thereafter came O.A. (Overeaters Anonymous). In O.A. there is an expression that says "Don't leave before the miracle happens." This is very good advice because the miracles do show up if we are willing to see them.

A lot of us are able to recognize miracles in our fellows in terms of their stunning transformations from being helpless addicts to being  productive, peaceful and sober members of society. In Chapter One of the "Big Book", Bill Wilson tells about his exhausting journey through the hell of active alcoholism and the miracle that lead him out of it. As Bill tells it, his friend, Ebby (another hopeless drunk) came to visit him when Bill was as low as he had ever been. Bill speaks of Ebby's transformation into a sober man, referring to Ebby as a "miracle." Bill was a hopeless alcoholic by anyone's definition, and so was Ebby. But that day Ebby was sober...happy... free! If Ebby was truly sober and peaceful about it, then Bill had to recognize Ebby's sobriety as the miracle it was.

Have you witnessed any miracles in recovery? Describe them in the silence of your mind. Have you experienced a miracle of your own? If not, don't leave before the miracle happens!

God bless you!

Barbara J.

Cunning, Baffling, Powerful...Patient

In Chapter 5 of the Big Book, alcoholism is referred to as "...cunning, baffling and powerful...". There is a wonderful speaker in A.A. named Fr. Leo Booth. He smartly added the word "patient" when describing the 'personality' of alcoholism. I think Fr. Leo is right! My disease seems to wait patiently for me to decompensate spiritually so that when my spiritual weakness meets the opportunity to act out in my addiction, I'm easily overcome. Do you feel as though your addiction is patient??? Why? 

Please read Jim's story in Chapter 3 "More About Alcoholism." I don't think the way Jim's relapse occurred was terribly cunning, baffling or powerful. But it was certainly patient. When opportunity met spiritual weakness, he drank. Are you feeling spiritually strong today?

Chapter 5 - How it Works

Chapter 5 of the Big Book outlines the basic tenants of the recovery program with a focus on steps 1, 2, 3, and 4. The first few paragraphs of the chapter, however, are devoted solely to describing what it takes to recover from alcoholism: Honesty. It states that even people with "...grave emotional and mental disorders..." can recover if they have the "...capacity to be honest." The chapter then calls us to be "...fearless from the very start" of the recovery process. The first thing discussed is the need for honesty. Then the Big Book acknowledges our common fear of that very thing. The thing we fear most, even more than giving up our addiction, is being honest with ourselves. And of course, without being honest, we cannot recover. What is it that keeps us from being honest with ourselves? Obviously, fear is what holds us back from getting spiritually and emotionally fit. Chapter 5 claims that we are driven by "....a hundred forms of fear..." What are your fears? Pick one and face it today. Remember, "courage" is that thing that allows us to do the very things we fear the most. Pray that your Higher Power will reveal to you one thing that is in your power to change today. He will grant you the courage you need to do that one thing - if you ask.

Welcome to My Online "Big Book" Study and Spiritual Support Journal

Over the many years I've spent in the field of recovery, both as a fellow on my own journey of recovery, and as a professional addiction specialist, I have come to know the "Big Book" in a most useful way. It has become more than a tool in my own recovery. It is a trusted friend I can go to with my questions, concerns, and for inspiration. As we work through the "Big Book", I hope you will find what I have found: a true source of wisdom, inspired out of love for us by a Higher Power. I believe that God graces us with recovery so that we can be of better service to Him and to our fellows. As you follow this journal, may God bless you with the bountiful benefits of true recovery from addiction, and from the many struggles that life can bring.